Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
