I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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