Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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