he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
