Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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