the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
