Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
