Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
