The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
