It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
