Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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