I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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