My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
