New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we should paint friendship bongs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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