It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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