I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
