Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
