I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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