i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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