His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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