Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
