I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
