Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
