today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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