Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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