You just made me feel so damn special
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
