why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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