If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
