If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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