News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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