So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well I just put wine in my tea
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
