so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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