goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
