My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
