When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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