My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
