last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
