My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dick very happy bro
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
