Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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