I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
