This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
