Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i now understand why vodka
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
