My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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