i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
