you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
