god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
