My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
