I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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