and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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