i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
