I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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