Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
