i barfeds in our rink
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
